Morning Sleepless

The mornings are the worst. Never been a morning person, but lately, sleep has been fitful at best. This means waking up at 4, 4:30, 5, 5:15. Hitting snooze has been a regular occurrence.

What helps is that by bed time, I'm physically tired. The puppies are ready for cuddle time, and each take their respective places on the bed: the Boy at the foot exposing his belly to the sky, and the Girl curled up tightly by my chest.
Sandwiched, I feel safe. I feel like he is close by, and I'm comforted.

He is always an early morning riser. Up and out, doing exercise at the crack of dawn, while I would pull the covers over my head when the light streams through the blinds. The smell of coffee would linger as I would slowly make my way to the kitchen after shaking off the grogginess of the evening sleep. I would still feel his presence and still make out his scent. I'm comforted.

However lately, I'm up before sunrise. The dogs still sandwich me, but it is different. I'm feeling so far far away. I have to know that he is close to me every single day. Especially now. I have to know that he is safe and doing fine and not in pain, or feeling sick, or feeling down. I want to be there to comfort him the way he has always comforted me, even when he is far far away.

It never used to bother me that much, because I always knew that we would see each quite soon, and the comfort would come back, but lately, it doesn't feel that way. I worry; has something happened? Is he alright? Is he feeling so not well that he can not get out of bed--that is not like him, that is more like me. How is he doing....